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How I Climbed My Way Out of Debt (And How You Can Too!)

So, in August of 2011, I was buried in approximately $50,000 worth of debt—yes, 50!! I had accumulated about $22,000 in student loan debt between studying abroad in Paris, France and staying in college for one extra semester. Then, a few months after graduation my piece-of-crap of a car broke down and, in all of my 24 year old wisdom, I replaced it with a $27,000 “pre-owned” (read: used) car.

The semester in Paris was one of the best experiences of my entire life, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. The money that I spent living and learning there was well-spent and, to this day, unregretted. I probably could’ve splurged a little less and saved $1,000 or so, but the trips around Europe and days spent tasting the cities’ finest cuisine and touring the most famous landmarks is forever fondly in my memory, and that is irreplaceable!

The $27,000 car, however, was a huge over spend. In my defense, I did pay a [very] small down payment, and I traded in my clunker to shave a little bit off of that price. But the majority of that purchase was covered in a one big car loan. Oh, and never mind the $2,000 or so charged to my credit card every month that I “paid off,” just to charge back up again! Looking back, I could’ve done a lot of things differently, for example, purchased a cheaper car! But lessons do tend to stick with you longer when you learn them the hard way...

In October 2013, one of my best friends in the world told me that her and her husband would be totally debt free in less than 6 months—no car loans, student loans, credit cards, nothing! I was flabbergasted. I had always known this debt-free concept existed in theory, and I studied and worked in Finance, so I knew that the interest on my loans was working aggressively against me, but everyone I knew had a car and student loan, it was normal, it’s what being middle class entailed. But Anna proved me wrong; she showed me the light, and I’ve never looked back!

Okay, so maybe I looked back a few times, and messed up a lot, and broke my budget more times than I can count… But I had my eye on the prize! And I’m happy to say that 16 months after Anna slapped some sense into me, I have paid off almost $50,000 in debt and am 100% debt free! It definitely wasn’t easy, but it definitely wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be and was more than worth it! And with a little bit of perseverance I’m sure you can do it too!

Here’s what I did:

      1. Get Inspired. A wise financial guru named DaveRamsey has a famous “debt free” plan called the “Debt Snowball,” which Anna strictly followed, and I loosely followed, on our debt free journeys. Dave has a book and Podcast that you can listen to to keep you motivated and on track, even when that Prada bag is calling your name! There are other financial experts out there, but Dave’s debt plan is simple and to the point, and especially if you have no financial training I recommend you get plugged into him ASAP!

      2. Create A Mini-Emergency Fund. Get a cushion of money, which can cover your basic expenses and debt payments, in the bank right now. Dave recommends $1,000, but Anna saved less because she and her husband had two incomes and low living expenses, and I saved more—a month’s worth of expenses—because I’m basically my only financial hope. Depending on your risk tolerance and level of responsibilities, save an amount that feels right to you. This is not going to be your forever emergency fund, so don’t spend a year saving $10,000. This is just money to fall back on in case the furnace breaks while you’re attacking your debt.

      3. Create a Budget. For some reason no one likes this word. It seems to have a negative connotation with lots of people that I talk to; I think it makes people feel restricted and contained. I almost changed it to say “Spending Plan,” but then I decided against it because honestly, if you have anywhere near the amount of debt I had, you do need to be restricted and contained!

Creating a budget, based on what you actually bring in and spend every month (and not on some fallacy of what you want to bring in and spend!) will provide insight into your spending habits, and help you determine what amount you must pay (to bills, insurance, debtors, etc.) each month, and what amount you are regularly wasting on your favorite expensive habit(s).  It will also help you to determine how much money you can take from those habits, and put towards paying off your debt instead.

A few tips for budget creation:

1)      List everything – from bills to tips at restaurants, if you don’t include it, you aren't being real with yourself.

2)      Categorize – separate your budget into sections such as “Bills,” “Restaurants,” “Clothes,” so that you can see exactly where the overspending is happening.

3)      Be paycheck based – Make your budget reflect your pay periods versus a weekly or monthly basis. This way, you’re not having to drastically change and recalculate your amounts every month, and your income will always be consistent per budget period.

4)      Use Excel. It just makes life so much easier!

      4. Control Yourself. Review your budget and, if you haven’t already, set limits on your frivolous spending. Once you realize that you’re spending $150 per month at Starbucks, or $200 downloading music on iTunes, the required cut-backs should be easy to identify. If you’re pretty good at managing your money and don’t run into any huge over spends (or even if you do), you’ll need to think of creative ways to cut back and get your extra debt money.

A few of my simple tricks:

1)      Space out your hair appointments – Get your hair highlighted/cut/colored every six weeks? Try a subtler hue and going every 8 weeks instead.

2)      Make your coffee at home – I used this during my debt payoff, and saved almost $100 a month!

3)      Buy in bulk – anything from laundry detergent to steaks can be bought in bulk on Amazon or at Costco, and can save you a ton of money!

4)      Use Cash – It is scientifically proven that handing over a $20 bill is three (or so) times as painful as swiping that plastic!

5)      Make money – Don’t already have a side hustle? This may be the encouragement you need to get one started!

      5. List Your Loans. This is really as simple as it sounds. Log into every credit card account that you own, scavenge through your recycling bin for that last student loan statement, and contact your lenders via phone or email if you have to—yes, even call your mom! Determine exactly how much money you owe and to whom you owe it. Make a nice little list and then organize the loan amounts from smallest to largest (again, Excel: a saving grace).  If you have two loan amounts that are within $1,000 of each other, list the loan with the higher interest rate first.

SN: If you don’t know your interest rates, you should!

      6. Pay More Than You Owe. Now’s the time to take all of that extra cash you saved (or earned!) in Step 4 and apply it towards your debt. Continue to pay your normal payments as they come due, but put everything extra that you saved or reallocated to your debt in your budget planning process, towards paying off your smallest loan.

The idea here is, your smallest loan is likely to be nominal, and you will be able to pay it off quite quickly. Well, guess what you do next month, when that $100 loan is all paid off? You take the money that normally went to that monthly loan payment and put it towards your next biggest debt instead! Then, after only one month in, you've already paid off a loan, and doubled one of your other loan payments!

This is the genius behind the debt snowball. By the time you’re a year into it, your largest loan will be all that’s left, and all the payments you used to put towards all of these other loans, will now go towards your largest loan, a payment of two, three, or four times the size of the required monthly payment! Pretty exciting stuff!

      7. Check In. Modify, update, and revise your budget often. When you pay off a loan, keep track of where you’re going to put that money next month. If you start a side hustle, have a garage sale, or get a bonus or raise at work, account for that money as income and mindfully decide which debt to put it toward. If you get on the right track and feel like you could make more cutbacks, change your budget to reflect that. Monitoring your progress will allow you to visually see your debts shrink and your goals become reality!

If you have any questions about this process, want some more inspiring frugal tips, or would like a free copy of my own personal budget spreadsheet, leave a comment below or contact me directly!

Good luck with your Snowball!

J.

The Pursuit of Joy

I was reading the other day and came across a profound statement that really stuck with me. In the bible, in Philippians 4:4 to be exact, the apostle Paul says, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” And I won’t pretend here to be an expert in anything Bible. But it was the depiction of this verse and the way it was explained to me, that really got me thinking.

We hear everyone talking about the pursuit of happiness—there was a best-selling movie, a few books, I even came across a book the other day called the Happiness of Pursuit, which I thought was quite intriguing—and yes, I did add it to my to-read list on Goodreads. But my point here is, we are all focusing on happiness, how to make ourselves happy, what to do on a daily basis to increase the happiness in our lives just a little bit; I can’t count the number of blogs focused on the topic!

But if you read the verse in Philippians again, Paul says nothing about happiness. He doesn't ask us to pursue happiness, he doesn't say, “Here, add these few things, implement these tweaks, and the Lord will make you happy.” No. He says Rejoice in the Lord! Joy. Not happiness. That should be our real pursuit. Finding joy.

Now when I first read this, I was like, okay, so what, semantics. Joy, happiness: same, same. But not so fast! The difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is situation dependent, and joy is situation independent. Now that’s powerful. Happiness is a cheap substitute for true joy. Joy is a deeply rooted confidence that God is in control.

You may wake up tomorrow and find out you've lost your job, or your dog died, or some other tragedy has happened in your life. You may even just stub your toe, or get a paper cut, or get stuck in traffic. Now, none of these things are going to make you happy. They’ll probably ruin your morning, your day, your week, your month, or even your year! (Sorry, I couldn't help myself!)

My point is, if you seek a life of happiness, you are at the mercy of every day’s circumstances throwing a curve ball at you and stealing that feeling away from you. But when you seek a life of joy, knowing that life has circumstances, that some days will be good and some will be bad, and that some years will be better than others, then you are no longer subjected to the emotional rollercoaster ride of life, seeking a daily happiness that you may or may not achieve.

We all know that living and acting and decision-making based on emotions is a total danger zone bound for doom. So then why do we continuously seek unreliable sources of fulfillment in life based solely on the fleeting emotion of happiness?

Before I read this statement and this verse I honestly didn't know I was doing anything wrong, heck, happiness was my goal in life! I’ll admit it, I subscribe to a few happiness blogs myself! And while it is human nature to seek happiness on a daily basis (I definitely had a large mint chocolate chip milkshake at the movie theater today, thank you very much!), it is ultimately an impossible goal for a prosperous life.

I won’t stop following my happiness blogs, nor will I stop eating mint chocolate chip milkshakes, or any milkshakes for that matter! But I will reevaluate my life’s biggest goal, and now mindfully consider the difference between a happy moment, and a life of true joy.  I encourage you to strive for happy days, but also to seek joy, to cultivate a life that consistently pursues, constantly learns, and never stops seeking.

Joy to the world!

J.

How To Start Your Side Hustle

Okay, I really shouldn't need to convince any millennials why they need a side hustle. Student loan debt is at an all-time high—an average of $25,000 for a four year degree, unemployment rates still aren't the greatest, and the actual dream job that you thought you’d get after graduation? Well it’s more of a dream than a reality these days, or at least a few years of work experience and/or another degree away for most of us. But probably the biggest reason to start a side hustle is to begin fabricating your dream for yourself in the time you’re not spending building someone else’s dream. Like a wise person once said to me: if you can work 40-50 hours a week for your boss, surely you can work a few hours a week on something you’re really passionate about, and earn a few bucks to boot!

So, you ask, how do you get started?

Well, the first step is to brainstorm all of the things you’re good at, everything that you’re an expert on, and any interests you have. For me, it was writing, career mentoring, and inspirational speaking, so I started this blog! You may be a computer whiz, an animal lover, an arts-and-crafts guru, or a sports fanatic. Whatever you’re good at, write it down, make a list, and don’t leave anything out! You may be surprised at the things you know and other people don’t, that they’d be willing to pay you for. Also, don’t forget to include your day job, especially if it’s one that you like! Are you an accountant by day? Well who’s to say you can’t start your own accounting or tax side hustle by night?

The next step is to research how you can turn your hobby or interest into an income-generating hustle. This can be as simple as offering your expertise to your family, friends, and neighbors, or as complex as starting a website, building a brand, and incorporating your new business! Really, the possibilities are endless and the length you want to go with your hustle is completely up to you.

Here are a few examples of legit side hustles, which you may or may not have heard of, to help you get your innovative juices flowing:

Start an Etsy Store

If you love arts and crafts, or have a hobby that you love there is probably a way that you can turn it into a profitable Esty business! Etsy is an online platform that artists and artisans from around the world to customers interested in buying their products. Starting an Etsy store is a low-overhead way to turn your hobby or start-up craft business into a profitable enterprise!

Start a Blog

Do you enjoy writing? Starting a blog is a great way to get your ideas and opinions out there, while providing a chance to improve your writing skills and a reason to write on a regular basis. When your blog gets a significant number of followers, companies will actually pay you to advertise for them on your website. Check out WordPress, Blogger, or Tumblr, or if you’re tech-savvy, create a website of your own!

Freelance

Freelancing is simply doing what you’re good at or what you love, and charging for it on your own, instead of earning a salary through a company. The best way to get started with freelancing is to do it as a side hustle. Some of the best websites for freelancing that I’ve come across are Fiverr and Freelancer. The best part about freelancing is that you do it on your own time, and you can literally market yourself as the expert in anything that you have experience doing, not just what you have a degree in or full-time job doing!

Teach a Class

Everyone is an expert at something. Why not share what you know in your free time and earn some money doing it? There are many ways to accomplish this. For example, you can tutor local high school and college students in a subject that you were always good at in school, or you can work with a local community college and actually teach courses. Another option is to create video lessons and publish them on a website like SkillShare or SkillFeed. Unlike YouTube, these sites will compensate you for the time and energy you spend recording your lessons, and the best part is, once the video is created people can what it an infinite number of times without you having to do any more work!

Start a Photography or Event Planning Business

I know a few women who started their own photography or event planning businesses while working full-time or raising a family. My friend Liz, for example, studied photography on her own while a Navy Reservist and full-time mommy of two, and started Clay Jars Photography on the side! If you have an eye for beauty, this may be a great way to put some extra cash in your pocket!

Likewise, if you’re incredibly organized and find yourself planning your friends’ birthdays and engagement parties one after another, you should start asking them for a small compensation, reviews and referrals. You might as well turn what you’re already good at doing—obsessing over details and plans—into a new side hustle!

Start a Food Business

Do you love to cook or bake? Do you spend all day drooling over recipes and obsessively pinning them to your Pinterest boards? Well believe it or not, there are hundreds of thousands of people out there who don’t! I know, total shocker. Some people would much rather have you put together a delicious recipe or desert for their next event or special occasion than to cook it themselves. Starting a food business is super easy too, my best friend started hers when we were just in high school just by word of mouth! Start advertising within your inner circle, give away some free samples, and you’ll be in business in no time!

Rent Your Home

No, I’m not suggesting you move into a cardboard box, or worse: back in with your parents! Eeekkk! But, if you have a spare guest bedroom, a comfy couch, or if you are going to be out of town for the weekend you can build a profile on Airbnb and rent out your space for hundreds of dollars per night. Your profits are dependent upon location and amenities of your home, and of course how great of a host you are! If you’re a social person who likes meeting new people, and you don’t mind having strangers in your home, this is a great option for you!

Become an Uber or Lyft Driver

Uber and Lyft are two of the largest car sharing services right now. If you have a car that you don’t mind keeping clean, and a few spare hours per week that you don’t mind driving around, joining one of these companies part-time can definitely put a little extra change in your pocket! My dad even drives for Uber on the weekends when he’s not too busy watching the Ravens win!

Remember, the easiest and most successful side hustles are born out of your interests and hobbies, they’re probably things you already think about and invest time in. To get your side hustle started, start by being customer focused and easing your way into charging for your services—freebies and word-of-mouth referrals can go a long way when getting your business going! And for more motivation, check out Side Hustle Nation, a great website created by a side hustler, dedicated to helping people with their side hustles!

If you’re game to try a side hustle in 2015, leave a comment below and let me know what your plan is and how I can help! Or if you've already got a side hustle, let me know how it’s going and how you got started—and how I can get some of those free sample cupcakes! :)

Happy hustlin’!

J.

Who I Was Yesterday

"The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday." - Author Unknown

I sincerely believe that the greatest discredit we can do ourselves in life is to judge our own success, or progress, by comparing ourselves to those around us. Granted, looking at your neighbor for inspiration or encouragement can be extremely helpful in generating new ideas or learning lessons “the easy way.” However, measuring ourselves up against someone who probably did not begin their life on the same playing field, did not have the same resources, obstacles, or experiences as we did, can be detrimental to our self-esteem and our future progress.

I oftentimes forget the struggles that I’ve faced in my life, partly out of absentmindedness, and part purposefully. But it always brings me back to reality and helps to really put things into perspective for me when I am reminded of my humble, and oftentimes rough, beginnings. I was talking to my coworker today about skipping school and how the first time I’d done it I was in the fifth grade. He laughed; he honestly thought I was joking. He said that he genuinely didn't know what cutting school was in elementary school. My best friend and I simply watched cartoons that time in the fifth grade, and were promptly caught by my parents.

However, I went on to tell him about the next few times my friends and I cut school, in the sixth grade. We’re middle schoolers now, we thought, we’re big time, and surely we don’t need school! We wandered around the shopping center across from our east Baltimore middle school for the first few hours, but soon needed to take cover. If we were caught outside in the middle of the day, the police would surely round us up and call our parents. Luckily I was hanging with two of my girlfriends, Shakira* and Desiree, who had seventh and eighth grade boyfriends, respectively—“older boys” with lots of experience. They knew all the cool hangout spots where we surely wouldn't get caught.

An hour and almost a half-mile walk later, we found ourselves in one of the nearby apartment complexes. What are we doing here? Surely someone’s unemployed mother would peek out her window and see us. “Trust me,” Maurice, the oldest boy assured me, “I got us a spot.” We wandered around a few corners, seemingly aimlessly, as I began to wish I had gone to school. It was late fall and my hands were starting to get cold and I was beyond tired of walking, at least school was warm and had chairs. We climbed two flights of ragged stairs, and when we reached the top Davon, Shakira’s boyfriend, turned a knob to one of the apartment doors, pressed his body up against it, and popped it open.

When we walked inside, it was cold and abandoned. Light shown through all of the windows, and there was a giant whole in the ceiling in which rain or snow had long since forced its way through. I took a quick look around and spotted a mattress on the floor, some old chairs, a table, empty bottles and other trash. I was so exhausted from the walk that I plopped right down on the disgusting mattress, book bag and all. Before I knew it, Shakira and Davon had disappeared out of the room and two other boys, James and Lil’ Mike had shown up out of nowhere, carrying bags of snacks.

By this time it was after noon and my stomach was telling me stories, so when they offered me some chips and soda, I nearly hugged them! Distracted by the food and new strangers I didn’t even notice Maurice and Desiree sneak off.  Lil’ Mike pulled out a plastic baggie full of leaves and a cigar. I had never done any drugs at this point in my life, but growing up in Baltimore learning about drugs is like learning your families’ names, it somehow just happens, so I immediately knew exactly what they were up to. As they rolled up their blunt, I sat quietly eating. I guess by the looks of me—I looked seven when I was 12, and 12 when I was 17—they assumed I didn’t smoke and didn’t offer. I secretly appreciated this; it wouldn’t be so easy for me in the future.

However kind these strangers were, after an hour or so the boys began to construct their second cigarette, and I began to worry about being locked in an abandoned apartment with them, not to mention where my friends had gone. And so I got up and left the apartment to look for them. I walked down the hallway of the building and heard a voice coming out of one of the other apartments. I knocked on the door, and heard someone say, “Oh shit!” I didn't want to scare them into thinking I was a parent or the police, so I yelled back, “it’s just me. Are you guys ready to go?” It was getting late and I couldn’t be late getting home from school, or my mom would know I was up to something.

I went and sat on the steps at the end of the hall, and a few minutes later Shakira and Davon came out of the apartment door that I had knocked on. I jumped up and wailed, “There you are! We should go soon or we’re going to be late.” Shakira went into another apartment, and a few minutes later came back out with Desiree and Maurice. I was confused as to why we all weren't hanging out together this whole time, and what they had been up to, but I knew better than to ask silly questions in front of the boys and make myself look even more inexperienced.

We all walked back to school together, and when we got to the school buses, Maurice, Davon, and the two other boys went their separate way. Shakira, Desiree and I continued walking and got on our bus. I immediately asked, “What were you two doing in there?!” They looked at each other and then at me and Shakira said, “Girl we were having sex with our men.” “Oh. Really?” was all I could manage. These girls were eleven and twelve, in the same grade as me! Were they already doing this? Was this normal? Should I be doing this too? A hundred questions raced through my mind.

On the way home Shakira filled me in on how she and Davon had been together a year now and that they had been having sex for over 6 months. “One hundred and forty two,” she said, “that’s how many times we've had sex. I count every time because it’s special and I want to keep track.” “One hundred and forty two?!” was all I could think. I hope I don’t have to catch up to that! It sounds impossible! I couldn't wait to get home and consult my best friend. Luckily my best friend at the time, in all her infinite twelve-year-old wisdom, assured me that I, in fact, did not have to have sex 142 times before leaving the seventh grade. Thanks, Ariel.

While relaying this story to my suburbia-raised, upper middle class coworker, his face twisted itself into a distorted array of disgusted, shocked and horrified expressions, stopping only to ask me a variety of questions, such as “Where were you raised? What school was this? Who are these people?” in a disturbed and unusually high-pitched voice, or to exclaim things such as “One hundred and forty two?!” I had to repeat a few parts to clarify and add detail, because at some points he genuinely didn't believe me. He said, “Had I skipped school in the seventh grade I’d have gone home and watched cartoons!” So fifth grade.

When sharing tidbits of my life like this with my current peers, I am oftentimes surprised at how shocked they are to hear my stories, sometimes saddened by the fact that their memories of these time periods in life are so much simpler and happier for them then they are for me, but mostly I am encouraged and proud. I’m proud of the things I've overcome, the good, bad, and ugly that has made me who I am, and the simple fact that their lives started out so much smoother and rosier than mine, and yet we have both made it to this very same place today, right on the same playing field.

When I measure my life and my success, I do it vertically. I look back at all the obstacles I've faced, all the trials and tribulations that I've overcome, and all of the positive experiences too, and thank God for where he has brought me to in my life today. I don’t measure my life horizontally comparing myself to the person sitting next to me, because they too have traveled their own path, overcome their own obstacles, and walked in shoes I can never fill. I don’t measure myself according to others. I use the only true measure of progress there is, I compare myself to who I was yesterday.

Happy mirror gazing! ;-)

J.

*All names have been changed to protect the identities of the individuals involved.

Eliminate Negative People

"An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind."  -Buddha

Most people in your life fall into one of two categories: They either inspire, motivate, and encourage you, or they doubt, distract, and demean you. When I first began drafting this article I thought there may be a third “in between” group, but after more research and self-reflection, I decided that that group doesn't really exist. Rather, the people who seemingly fit into that third group are either subtle encouragers or very sneaky discouragers. It is important to realize that every single person you know is either a positive or negative force in your life who is influencing your thoughts, feelings, and actions in both direct and indirect ways.

The encouraging people in your life are those who, after speaking with them, leave you feeling hopeful and motivated on how to solve problems or move forward with your goals. These people are always on your side. Even when they may not necessarily agree or completely understand your decisions, they will lovingly and openly express their concerns. These people are your cheerleaders, mentors, true friends, who take the time to learn and understand who you are and why you are following your path in life. These people are the positive influences that you rely on to make the hard decisions, the important life-changing ones.

The discouraging people in your life are basically the opposite. But don’t be fooled. The discouraging people are more often than not, quite indistinguishable from the positive ones. The blatantly discouraging and negative people are (hopefully) eliminated from your life quite quickly upon having met them. True haters don’t make it into your inner circle, it’s the undercover “frienemies,” as I like to call them, who latch on and hang around, pretending to be your friends, all the while breaking you down from the inside out. These are the people who subliminally make you feel undeserving or jealous in hard times. They’re the ones who are your “bestie” when it’s just the two of you, but will ditch you quickly when a group of friends (or guys!) show up. These are the life (and dream) suckers!

An easy way to distinguish a positive influencer from a negative influencer is by how they make you feel about sharing good news. If you got a promotion at work, how would this person react and make you feel about your accomplishment? Would they celebrate with you in wholehearted happiness? Or would they tell you how “lucky” you were to be promoted, even though you worked your ass off, 6 days a week, for over a year, for the well-deserved promotion? Would they jealously compare your life to theirs, or be able to sincerely celebrate with you in your moment of achievement? I’m sure you can conclude who is who.

I encourage you to make a list of all the people in your life. Friends, neighbors, coworkers, family (yes, even family!), and social media connections. Anyone you come into contact with regularly, those in your inner circle who you spend a lot of time with, those who may be friends of friends, any one that comes to mind, write their name down. Granted, your list will probably have hundreds of names—I highly encourage the use of Excel—but it will be worth it! After you’ve made your list, go through and mark each person as a positive or negative influencer. Really think back, reminisce (even invite them out to coffee if you have to!) to get a true sense of what type of influence they truly are on your life and your goals.

Once you’ve marked everyone on your list as either a positive or negative influence, begin to eliminate the negative influences from your life! This may be as simple as not reaching out and making plans with a friend anymore, or may be as difficult as having to end a relationship with a significant other. Each relationship will be different, but usually the negative influencers won’t hold on too tight after they realize you’re pulling away because, more often than not, these people didn’t have a very deep and committed relationship with you anyway. This may take some time, but I think you’ll be surprised at how easy it is to eliminate most of these relationships. If you do have difficulty with this step, remember, you can always reach out to your positive influencers for support!

The final step is to strengthen and grow the positive relationships that you’ve discovered during this process, and also to identify other positive people that you can build new relationships with to add to your circle of positive influences! Spend your time and energy on the people who add joy, happiness, and encouragement to your life. Turn to only these positive influencers for guidance and advice, and see what a difference it makes!

Of course this process is a continuous cycle of welcoming new positive relationships and purging your life of negativity that really has no end, but at least now you’ll have a jump start!

Cheers!

J.

New Year, New You!

It’s New Year’s Day! And as Brad Paisley said, it’s the first blank page of a 365 page book, better make it a good book! So what are your New Year’s resolutions? There are lots of different ways to resolve things, and an unlimited number of things you can resolve. Of course the most popular resolution—after gorging during the holidays—is to get your body back in shape, hit the gym every day, etc. My command here in Qatar is one organization, amongst the millions I’m sure, that is putting on a Biggest Loser Competition to start the year off on a guilt inducing track!

Some people are really great at making and sticking to New Year’s resolutions. Other people refuse to make them, arguing that they’re silly or that January 1^st is an arbitrary date to try and make a change in their lives. And still others make them, and fail miserably year after year to actually accomplish them. Whatever your take on New Year’s resolutions, remember, they’re just goals like any other that you make at any time of year. What makes them special is that they come with the excitement of a fresh beginning—it’s 2015 now, you can accomplish anything! And the fact that billons of other people are partaking in the goal-setting along with you!

No matter what your stance on New Year’s resolutions, if you do decide to make them, here are a few tips to get you started off in the right direction:

1. Make Your Resolution Simple and Measurable. The biggest mistake failed resolvers make is to create resolutions that resemble far-off fairytale dreams. “I want to live a happier life,” and “This year, I’ll get in the best shape of my life!” sound great, but they’re actually resolutions designed to fail. Make your resolution definite and measurable. Surely, “I will go to the gym at least three days per week and give up soda,” is a more measurable and comprehendible goal that will better help you accomplish the dream of being in the best shape of your life! Make your goal one that you can measure on a weekly basis so that you know for sure whether you’re on the right track.

2. Make Your Resolution Reasonable. Another mistake people make is diving in head first to their goals at 160 miles per hour with no wiggle room in sight. This might work for some, but if you know you’re the type of person who needs to ease into things, you might try “go to the gym for 30 minutes, 3 days per week in January, 45 minutes, 3 days per week in February,” and so on and so forth, until you work your way up to going every single day for an hour.

Likewise, make your goal fit into your lifestyle and what you can realistically accomplish. I mean, you want to push yourself (hence the purpose of the resolution in the first place), but if you’re the person who likes to sleep in, you probably shouldn’t set a “run every morning before work” goal, if you know that you’ll sleep right through that alarm most days. Don’t set yourself up for failure. Instead, make your goal to run every day after work, or on your lunch hour. It’s harder to accomplish two habit changes at once—waking up early and beginning to run everyday—it’s much easier, and you’ll be more successful, if you focus on one at a time.

3. Make Your Resolutions Fit Your Personality. I’ve been doing a lot of reading on goal setting lately, and one thing Gretchin Rubin (the author of The Happiness Project) stresses is the importance of making resolutions that agree with your mentality on restrictions. When making a resolution, it can either be positive, “I will begin to go to the gym!” or it can be negative, “I will stop drinking soda!” Both ways are completely fine to use, you just need to figure out which style works for your personality and which type of resolution you’ll be more likely to accomplish.

If you’re the type of person who has an issue with authority, one who doesn’t like to be restricted by rules and regulations, the negative resolutions may not work for you. And likewise, if you’re a rule follower who sticks to their promises (even to themselves) at all costs, you may be more successful with the positive resolutions. The most important thing is to figure out the resolution style that best suits your personality, and then to design your resolutions accordingly!

Happy New Year!

J.